2022 In Review
2022 has been a blur. I can’t believe some of these things happened in the same year as each other! Here is a quick summary of each month, with my thoughts as well. More reflections at the end, so jump there if you don’t care about the details!
This year I got really into tracking my days more minutely, so I have included some results of that data here. Yes, I am very much a dork. I track my overall mood and water consumption daily. I also have a list of daily goals I try to reach that I mark off every day. Every day I write down all the things I did from “read” to “clean the kitchen” to “zoom with friends”.
My Passion Planner also prompts me to write down my most memorable part of every month, so I have highlighted that here as well!
The monthly trackers will have the most popular indicator listed, not an average of the month overall.
I also tracked all the media I consumed this year, so if you’re curious about what I read, watched, and listened to, check it out on my Instagram @lesmis456
January
Biggest Mood: Tired/Numb
Water Consumption: Goal Reached
Daily Goals: Close Enough
· My most memorable experience in January was launching the Breakup Cabaret. I have had this idea for a while but I struggled with finding the time (and financing) to make it real. I decided that 2022 was the year and got down to work planning, writing, collecting music, and working on my voice more consistently. It felt so vulnerable to release it into the world, but I am glad I did! Here is episode 1, posted on January 27th.
· I took the month off! After my last contract and having COVID over Christmas, I was particularly wiped out, so I was glad for a quiet January to focus on myself a bit more. Hard to believe that the first Omicron wave was just a year ago!
· I worked on Future Prairie Theatre. I had been with this project in a few different capacities and continued to work with them for their communication needs. It was particularly tough to do while on set in December, but I am glad I was able to keep doing it!
· I did yoga consistently. My tiny apartment is not conducive to regular exercise so I am very proud that I made this work as best I could!
· I did some dating, though I haven’t made it past a second date since 2021. None of the dates were particularly good or memorable, I just know I was going on them because they were in my day planner.
· I started another year of volunteering at AVA! Any time I go away I miss my time at the adoption centre, plus my routine of going to Second Cup and the gym as well! It really makes me feel like I have a place in Toronto.
· Polly + Herbie came to stay. These kitties lived with me from January 12th to February 6th. They were huge cuddlers and did wonders for my mental health in the bleak winter!
February
Biggest Mood: Sad
Water Consumption: Goal Reached
Daily Goals: Close Enough
· I launched the second and third episodes of The Breakup Cabaret on February 3rd and 12th respectively. This momentum was really encouraging to me! I was starting to get antsy about not having any paying work though. You can find episode 2 here and episode 3 here.
· I did more yoga plus got back into the gym. I love my gym but being away so much and having such low energy constantly gets in the way of my ability to go.
· I saw a lot of friends and still went on a couple of dates. A highly social month for me! But no real romance on Valentines’ Day.
· I had a one-day gig where I let some newer sound technicians practice wiring me. It was a cool experience and I got to learn what kinds of things to be aware of for sound technicians and actors alike!
· Future Prairie Theatre was coming to an end, and I really enjoyed the discussions I got to participate in.
· Started working with Fides Krucker, who helped me a lot to reconnect with my singer self and just get a little deeper as a person.
· My most memorable experience in February was working as a floor director for Porsche. I had a lot of fun working with people from a few different countries and I even convinced a bunch of wealthy, corporate executives to do a little shake and a teeny vocal warm-up before the big presentation! My only regret is that I took no selfies with the cars (because it was a LOT of work in those two days!)
· I continued my usual Wednesday routine of heading to the adoption centre with a Frozen Hot Chocolate from Second Cup before hitting the gym on my way home. And it became extra valuable time after Polly and Herbie got adopted at the beginning of the month and my house was empty!
· I started playing DnD with a group of friends in 2021 and though we struggle to find time across 4 time zones we somehow make it work! I really appreciate getting to escape into the game and always wish I had more time to play. We had our first session of 2022 in February.
March
Biggest Mood: Tired
Water Consumption: Goal Reached
Daily Goals: Close Enough
· I did some simulated patient work online from home. This job is so much fun and even though it’s not much money it helps when there aren’t any other contracts around!
· I met Kiki. She came to me on March 5th, and we took a week of her in the safe room to get to know each other. Then one day she decided to come into the big room with me and that was that! There’s no telling Queen Kiki what to do.
· I did more work with Fides, including some group classes. I had a truly wonderful moment when someone in the class said, “watching you work made me want to be able to perform with you someday”.
· That Wednesday routine with AVA was still going strong! Volunteering with animals has done wonders for my mental health. Plus I actually get to talk to a lot of people because of it!
· My most memorable experience of the month was shooting the short film The Curtain. It was intense but only two days long, and because we didn’t have a 1st AD there was a lot to sort out in terms of duties. Really appreciate my friend Sabrina for tagging me in on this one! I felt like I took up the space I had earned and that was super nice.
· I also took and passed the NABET trade test for Script Supervisors! I became a permittee in March but have not yet needed to rely on them for work- but I think 2023 is the year I move to more union jobs!
· With all this success in one area of my career, I was still working on being an actor by auditioning digitally a lot and even writing a grant to do a show! I didn’t get the grant but I’m glad they clarified that I would have got it if they hadn’t run out of money before getting to me.
· Future Prairie Theatre officially wrapped up!
· This is also the month that I stopped trying to date, and I haven’t tried again since. I oscillate between feeling like romance is dead forever and wondering if I should put myself out there again. My experiences with men have largely taught me that most of them aren’t good enough for me (for myriad reasons) so I am not too eager to wade through a sea of people being downright mean to me to only potentially find someone to have a single somewhat pleasant evening with. Has 2022 been an incredibly lonely year though? Yes. This is the longest I’ve been single in a long time, and as someone who really wants to have a partner for life, it feels almost irritating that I will likely be turning 30 without one. I’m glad I don’t have the pressure of wanting children to deal with though, lest I get desperate enough to settle yet again for someone who doesn’t even treat me with respect.
April
Biggest Mood: Tired
Water Consumption: Goal Reached
Daily Goals: Close Enough
· My most memorable experience took up essentially the whole month: coming back to Saskatoon to work on Breaking the Curse. It was the most difficult thing I’ve done since I had a breakdown in 2017 and my mind and body both felt the strain of it. But I am incredibly proud of everything I did and am so grateful to all the people who were in the thick of it with me. Getting to watch the movie was thrilling as well and I once again proved to myself that I can really do this; I am a very capable person. Bonus, Breaking the Curse recently won a number of Saskatoon and Area Theatre Awards including the Trailblazer and Innovation Awards!
· Being in Saskatoon meant two things: Kiki went to a new foster, and I spent a lot of time visiting with family! And that was very nice, though somewhat tough to work around my packed schedule of rehearsals and meetings.
· I celebrated my 29th birthday on the set of Breaking the Curse and it was a very wonderful time! I got to have two types of cake that day and I spent it laughing along with my friends.
· As soon as I got back to Toronto, I went back to AVA right away. Being back in Saskatoon without my childhood kitty Bilbo still feels weird and it was nice to get some kitty time in!
· I did an Anti-Racist Theatre Workshop and several theatre auditions as well. Even though I primarily work as a technician right now and I really like what I do, I still want to perform some of the time!
· On April 26th Emmie and Elliot came to live with me. Oh, how shy and sweet they were!
May
Biggest Mood: Happy (but also the month with the most panic attacks)
Water Consumption: Goal Exceeded
Daily Goals: Not Close
· At the very beginning of the month, I got to work with a friend on 6 microfilms that are VERY cool. It was also wild to be done with a film after only 3-4 hours of shooting!
· More volunteering with AVA. I was under the impression that I hadn’t volunteered there much but this look back is making me think otherwise!
· My most memorable experience in May was working for the Junos as the Accreditation Supervisor. I was essentially a PA in charge of some other PAs, but I really enjoyed working on the lake, learning to use some fun badge-making things, and having someone make me my own footstool! I got to read a lot too, which I enjoyed. I made some good new friends and thoroughly embarrassed myself!
· My friend Matt and his wife Jennifer were in town, so we hung out and looked at the cherry blossoms in High Park like REAL Torontonians!
· I started work with Christmas Hill Productions. I initially signed on for three movies but ended up only doing two. The first one was The Holiday Swap, and I really enjoyed the challenge of prepping for a dual-timeline script!
· Emmie + Elliot were adopted on May 29th. I loved those little kittens and I hope they are just as cuddly and crazy with their new owners!
June
Biggest Mood: Happy/Tired
Water Consumption: Goal Exceeded
Daily Goals: Not Close
· I both finished work on The Holiday Swap and started work on Christmas on the Rocks this month! But the most memorable bit was definitely getting to shoot on an old plane near where firefighters practice plane rescues. Very cool set and a very chill day!
· Kiki came back to me on June 12th! But because I was working out of town with short notice, I needed to find her a sitter during the week, which is not easy to do with a temperamental kitty like Kiki. Luckily Victoria was up to the task!
· I enjoyed some good social time with friends between movies as well. It’s been tough getting back into socializing but I am glad to see that I did it a lot more than I thought I did!
· Yet more volunteering at AVA- I am amazed that I found the time!
· I published episode 4 of The Breakup Cabaret and I am genuinely amazed at myself! Here it is!
July
Biggest Mood: Tired
Water Consumption: Goal Exceeded
Daily Goals: Not Close (worst month for this)
· This month we wrapped Christmas on the Rocks, and I was starting to really struggle. I worry a lot that my mental health prevents me from being capable of working (surprise, it doesn’t, I just need certain things) and at this point, I was like “I dunno if I can carry on,” which is why I did not go on to do the third movie. But the most memorable part of the shoot was the wrap party- I stayed up all night with some of the greatest people in the world. I let fish nibble my toes and watched the sun rise over the lake. I got deep with friends, and we sang and danced. Then we went back to Toronto and I craaaaaashed.
· Still volunteering at AVA while keeping Kiki at home!
· I saw Kamloopa, which had been my first theatre outing in a super long time. I really enjoyed the experience and just felt grateful that I could even go, though I did have a weird uneasiness at being in a building even remotely associated with my ex-boyfriend. PTSD is irksome like that sometimes! You just fixate on something that won’t leave your head no matter how much you know it isn’t true or won’t harm you.
· I spent more time with the people I had met working on these holiday movies. It was a really special group of people, and I am so thankful for them! Also, I am specifically thankful that Lyla cooked for me, a truly unforgettable experience.
· I published episode 5! It took nearly a month from filming to posting but I did get it out, and that’s what matters. Here is the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iopo6mwdtM&list=PLbZpoYHcmfBtjcA1p9a3i4yrXeFUvy5lv&index=5
August
Biggest Mood: Tired, Motivated
Water Consumption: Goal Reached
Daily Goals: Changed my daily goals to better reflect my life and went to Goal Reached nearly every day
· The most memorable part of August is when my friend Steph came to say with me to see shows at the Summerworks Festival! I had never been, so it was really fun to discover it with her, plus we ate really well and got to do a lot of walking.
· I started EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) which has been completely transformative. I’ve noticed a huge difference in how I handle certain situations, but I can also tell that I am emotionally very raw and living on the surface a lot of the time. It can be hard to keep feelings at bay, however potentially unrelated to the current situation they may be.
· I watched my first script supervising project (which still owes me thousands of dollars). I noticed one particularly large error that I had missed, but I wanted to be proud of it. But all I could think was “how can this show even air when my wages haven’t been paid?” A longer post for another time.
· I started back up with Simulated Patient work! This time I did more classroom work than exam prep so I would have 10-20 scenarios to do in a single session. People did tell me that I deserved an Oscar for my acting abilities, so. It’s a pretty good gig!
· More time at the adoption centre!
· Trimmed Kiki’s nails with Lisa. This was a special event- even after living with me for months, Kiki did not invite touch very often. We had been practicing being picked up, and she was doing okay with it, but once we started trying to trim her claws, Kiki reverted to her terrified self. We did it, though. Lisa got pooped on, but we did it.
· I officially started work on my biggest project ever, Makinium! I had unofficially begun with watching the first two seasons and was now reading my 35 scripts! I had 29 episodes all to myself and 6 shared between the previous Script Supervisor and I. It was interesting to work that way! But boy I could have used more prep time. That’s a lot to pack into a couple weeks!
September
Biggest Mood: Tired (most tired month at 17 days)
Water Consumption: Goal Reached
Daily Goals: Goal Reached
· I started the month with Makinium meetings. It was interesting to come into not only a story world that was already established, but a studio that has a working relationship with the crew already. Everyone knew each other and I was the new kid on the block.
· I spent a lot more time with friends this month knowing that I was going into a contract hole for the rest of the year. It was so nice to see and hear from people I haven’t connected with in years!
· I had my final talk therapy session with my therapist of the past two years. Becki, I love you. You helped me through some of the worst times of my life and I am so grateful. If you want to work with Becki, the wait list is about 18 months long, but the therapy is free. Visit Jewish Family and Child Services for more: https://www.jfandcs.com/
· I had my last shifts with AVA for a while and finally dropped Kiki off at the adoption centre. I have never struggled so hard to say goodbye to a cat. Kiki and I had a great bond- we saw each other. I will never forget how she would come to comfort me when I was crying, or how she would always answer when I said hello to her, or how she would look out the door every time I left as if to say, “don’t go, Mum!”. If my life was different, I would have kept her. But it wouldn’t be fair to keep a cat when I am leaving so often.
· The most memorable part of the month though was travelling to Ottawa and starting Makinium. I had a very intense train experience (I don’t want to summarize it here, but it was very meaningful to me) and then arrived at a friggen mansion. I had the hugest bathtub and felt like I was in for a real treat. It was awkward at first to meet the actors- their dynamic was already established, and I was this little anglophone coming into their space. I was also so tired after the first week that I simply collapsed when we got home- and it was only a three-day week! The learning curve of this set was steep (there is always a curve to new places/editors/directors) and after there were two big mistakes on day two, I was determined that it would not happen again! Which, you know, it probably did, but I worked super hard to make sure I was as prepared as possible. We also dealt with rain- lots and lots of rain. And I started to make some very good friends!
October
Biggest Mood: Tired
Water Consumption: Goal Reached
Daily Goals: Close Enough
· Makinium once again consumed my month, making it the most memorable event in October. This month was for sure the one that wore me down- we had the fewest breaks, and I had the most going on outside of work.
· I spent Thanksgiving in Montreal with my family, old and new! It was a whirlwind, but I was glad to get to do lots of walking.
· I also spent one weekend doing a short acting gig for the University of Ottawa, in French! I was incredibly nervous about it because it’s not a typical acting gig (it was a training video for nurses and the dialogue was a series of options for them to choose from). I really leaned into my knowledge though and I think I nailed it! I truly believe that every opportunity is worth investing in.
· I went on a forest adventure with friends! There were a handful of folks in Ottawa from Toronto who didn’t go home on the weekends, so we decided to go to Gatineau and explore the beautiful forest. We also went to EXACTLY my kind of place: a brunch spot absolutely covered in coca cola things.
· I used one of my weekends to watch Stephen Plays’ Extra Life event live and I donated for the first time. This channel and the people behind it really helped me through the pandemic and it’s so funny that they’re just a part of my day every day but we don’t really know each other.
· On Halloween I watched my wonderful friend in a mediocre movie with her, and oh how we laughed! I loved that experience so much.
November
Biggest Mood: Tired
Water Consumption: Goal Reached/Not Close equal amounts
Daily Goals: Close Enough
· Again, the all-consuming Makinium, this time though we had a break in the middle of the month! At the end of our super long block, I burst into tears at the knowledge that I finally had some time to recover. The work is hard.
· After the break we worked outside for four days- and on day 2 it snowed! We had a whole new host of things to deal with because of the snow but it made it sort of magical. Plus, we had a scene with ferrets, which was actually the very best thing.
· I saw two plays thanks to my lovely friend Pierre- Cher Chekhov at the NAC/CNA, and Cabaret HoHoHoLaLa! at Theatre de L’ile. It was so nice to be in a theatre with friends again and to have wonderful people to discuss it with.
· The most memorable part of the month came at the end when we began saying goodbye to the cast. We were finally arriving at the end of Makinium, not just the season, but the entire show. At the actor’s house, we celebrated together with good food and a dessert I didn’t know about until this gig- Mr. Puffs. IYKYK.
December
Biggest Mood: Tired/Happy
Water Consumption: Not Close
Daily Goals: Not Close
· We wrapped the studio shooting of Makinium! Again, not just a season ending, but a series! There were many tears and photos taken, and then we had a really big party. I also took my first first-class train ride home with my friends returning to Toronto and it was so delightful. I am so grateful to everyone I met on this contract!
· In the first week of December, we reached 1000 days of the pandemic. I had been keeping track in my day planner- just writing the number in the corner every day- but decided to stop at day 1000. It just felt futile at this point. It feels like the pandemic will never be over.
· The day after I got back to Toronto I went straight to PetSmart to volunteer and see my darling Kiki! I did not know that when I went to visit her again a few days later it would be the last time I saw her. She was adopted just before the end of the year! I am so proud of that little girl and all the strides she has made. She looks very happy in her new home- especially now that she will never again have to put up with curious kittens!
· Something I made a priority in my 6 days in Toronto was getting my flu and bivalent booster shots. It made me feel more prepared for all the travelling I was about to do!
· The night before I left town again, I saw Red Velvet at Crow’s Theatre. I was glad that I went- I had friends in the show and even ran into more friends in the lobby, plus I was invited by a friend! It made me feel like I had more community in Toronto than I had thought.
· The day after the show I was off to Montreal! I was there for several reasons, but I also enjoyed some fun time with my friend Steph.
· Steph and I worked on a self-tape and demo reel scene for me, between the shopping and the karaoke and the eating good food like we like.
· I was also so happy to be a witness at my brothers’ wedding. It was a special day, and it still feels strange and wonderful to say that I have a sister-in-law!
· For Christmastime, I flew home to Saskatoon to spend it with my parents. It was a very interesting holiday this year- endless technology woes, mice in the house, and celebrating with my mom’s family on a different day than usual! It was a great time with the cousins too, going skating and watching movies. Overall, a good holiday, though I am glad to be headed back to a place with consistent Wi-Fi.
Summary
As I said: 2022 was a blur. It was far better than the worst year of my life, but I cannot say it stands among the best. A lot of it simply is, and perhaps that is better- that it is full of all things, not purely one or the other.
This is the most professionally successful that I have ever been. I feel so lucky to have had the professional opportunities that I did, but this year has also encouraged me to stop devaluing myself; I am too tired to be unable to afford a one-bedroom apartment.
It was hard to be single at times this year. Other times I didn’t notice because I was too busy living my life. All my efforts of finding my partner have been for naught, so I gave up trying for most of 2022. Now it’s 2023 and I am back on Hinge, hoping to make connections and just get out into Toronto.
Speaking of, Toronto is really starting to feel more like home. I am comfortable here. There is opportunity here, there is life here for me. Even though my weekly routine of walking to the mall, getting a frozen hot chocolate, sitting with the cats for three hours, and going to the gym feels small- it still feels good. It feels like a life.
I miss acting a lot. As anyone who has listened to me reading off-camera lines or stage directions at some point this year will know. In 2023 I will get a demo reel sorted out and hopefully find an agent or two!
In 2023 I will be taking more classes in person, and I am hoping that will lead me to meeting more people and having more friends. I feel the pandemic, much more than the move, has made maintaining friendships in the city I live in much harder. Everywhere felt so far away for so long, it’s hard to remind yourself that hopping on a streetcar isn’t actually that hard.
I also want to keep knocking out tons of books and movies this year. I got back into reading in a big way in 2022 and I hope to carry that through 2023! To begin the year, I am cleaning out each room of my house one by one, sorting things, throwing things away, making donation piles, etc.
If you made it to the end of these 4700 words, thank you so much! If you are in Toronto at all please say hello! I would love that.
I wish you every joy in 2023. Go do something nice for yourself.
