2023 Year in Review

This year has been… a lot. Most notably, I went from the best financial position of my life to the worst. It’s amazing how quickly everything can change. But aside from that, which may need a full blog breakdown of its own, let’s look at what else happened this year for me…

This post went into a lot more detail than I initially thought, so I have written a more reflective conclusion at the end that you can feel free to skip to.

Before we dive in, here is a quick guide to my daily trackers: I have a habit tracker where I list all of the things I would like to do every day, and most of them are pretty general like “something mind expanding” or “talk to another person”. I rate them as “done”, “1-2 missing”, or “3+ missing”, but I think in 2024 I will move to “Done/Almost Done/Not Done”.  I have a water tracker with the goal of drinking one of my reusable bottles a day (which is I think 24 oz-ish) and I rate it daily as “Over/Good/Under/None”. I also have a mood tracker that I refine every year, but I will share only the most notable thing from that tracking in this post. I also write the date I watch movies and complete puzzles or books but not TV shows or YouTube because of their ongoing nature. I will write the things I can, there is more detail at the end of this post.

January- It is important to understand that in December of 2022, I had a LOT to do. I wrapped four months of filming Makinium Saison 4 in Ottawa on the 8th, my brother got married in an intimate ceremony in Montreal on the 18th, and I traveled back to Toronto on the 19th to head to Saskatoon on the 20th. So by the time I got back to my apartment on January 5th, I was ready for a CHILL time. I did not want to do anything much- though I did jump back into volunteering at AVA and going on dates pretty hard. On January 10th I took in two new foster cats, Raya and Rosemary, who were extremely timid, more than I have ever dealt with! On the 16th, I started a six week on camera acting class. And on the 17th, I went back to therapy after not being able to go much during filming months. On January 27th I bought a new laptop and it turned into a nightmare saga that took over two weeks to resolve, and I am still trying to downsize all of my digital data because I have to store everything on external hard drives… turns out getting a laptop for $600 at Staples is possible because the laptop has no storage and the staff doesn’t really know how to set up your computer for you. I remember around this time there was lots of rather intense snow and taking the streetcar to try to collect my laptop at least four times was miserable each and every time. On January 28th I went to my first TIFF event and saw several dear friends in the film Rosie, which was such a wonderful film! I even snuck into their after party and got to listen to everyone making speeches about the amazing experience they shared. A project I had poured myself into the previous year, Breaking the Curse, was also recognized with several awards this month, and I continue to be so proud of this work.

January Numbers

Daily Goals: 12 done, 18 almost done, 1 not done

Water: 3 over, 11 good, 16 under

Predominant mood: Joy and Sadness had even majority, both at 5 days each

Auditions: 3, plus 1 callback

Puzzles: 1 (Strawberry)

Movies: 4 (The Duke, Inside the Mind of Cats, All Quiet on the Western Front (Original), Rosie)

Read: Men Who Hate Women, Thin Slices of Anxiety, Shakespeare’s Works in 3 Panels

February- As my frustrating laptop saga continued into this month, I also got to see Flush at Theatre Francais de Toronto with my friend Katey on February 3rd! I continued dating and volunteering and I was also pretty good about going to the gym regularly too. I had a membership at the Anytime Fitness near the PetSmart I volunteer at, so I was typically going after a volunteer session, while also walking the 20 minutes there and 20 minutes home. I continued therapy through this month, which I needed, because dating was really rough on me this month. I took a Mental Health First Aid course which has served me super well this year (and you can get certified too through https://www.mhfa.ca/en/course-types). On February 12th I did a Zoom reading of my friend Tyler’s musical that premiered later in 2023, and I met someone who would become a very good friend (though not for several more months!). I went to see King Lear with my friend Félix on the 16th and I absolutely loved being there. I also got a haircut that day, a thing I tend to do every 18 months or so, though I am starting to get the itch for one again…I finished my acting course and had dinner with my cohort. I felt a real connection with everyone there and am very grateful to have done something right at the start of the year to remind myself that yes, I am an actor, and I do the acting thing! Most importantly, on February 23rd, my nephew Peter was born.

February Numbers

Daily Goals: 11 done, 15 almost done, 2 not done

Water: 3 over, 10 good, 14 under, 1 none

Predominant mood: Sadness at 6 days

Auditions: 14

Puzzles: 5 (Aimee Stuart Painting, Fruit Collage, New York Double Sided Puzzle (both sides), Red)

Movies: 5 (Parasite, The Hurt Locker, Get Out, No Country for Old Men, Unforgiven)

Read: All About Love, The Glass Menagerie

March- Another season of being a simulated patient with Pharmachieve began, and I was happy to have some kind of job to occupy my time, even sporadically. At the beginning of March, I had an amazing session with Attila Ataner taking headshots and burlesque shots for several hours. It was such a good experience and, now that I have the photos, I am so happy with them all! It felt so good to make art with another artist and to feel like my headshots were reflective of who I am and not just a marketing tool. I also had filled March with lots of grown-up appointments like the dentist, the bank, the doctor, etc. because I was preparing to get back on set by the end of the month! I also was, as I mentioned earlier, in a terrific financial position and so I wanted to find out what the best use of my money was. I decided I was going to buy a used car and was surprised to have access to enough money to get it from a dealership! It did mean a huge headache of paperwork though, and I finally had to switch my drivers’ license to Ontario. I got to go to the Toronto Sketch Comedy Festival to see a short film that I worked on on the big screen! It was a very cool experience, and I can’t wait to experience it even more in my life. I took a trip to Montreal on March 11th to meet my nephew, who was still a teeny precious newborn then. I was so nervous to hold him. When I got back from Montreal, I got to pick up my very own car! I was also at this time doing my prep work for Paris Paris Season Two and wrapping up my dental needs- fillings. Sigh. I saw my friend Vincent in his phenomenal roving theatre piece Le Concierge. I took Raya and Rosemary to the PetSmart I volunteer at, though I knew we had not made a ton of progress on their socialization. Then on March 21st we started filming! The show would consume my life for many many weeks, but I could not be happier to have been a part of it. It is always nerve-wracking to start, so I think in March I was probably very focused and antsy and nervous, especially working in my second language. But I loved the show from reading the scripts, so I was also super happy to be there and I felt very lucky to have been trusted with it.

March Numbers

Daily Goals: 15 done, 16 almost done

Water: 6 over, 17 good, 8 under (most hydrated month)

Predominant mood: Exhaustion (notably, almost every exhaustion day was NOT while I was working on set)

Auditions: 0

Puzzles: 0

Movies: 0

Reading: A Raisin in the Sun

April- This month was absolutely dominated by filming Paris Paris, as we had 19 shoot days in this month. It was also the month that I turned 30. Because I was so preoccupied with filming and dating (still, somehow, I had not lost all hope…) I did not organize anything to celebrate myself, and now that I am reflecting on this year, I am really regretting that. I am not good at planning parties anymore because all the people I am connected to are not necessarily connected to each other, or even in the same country as me. I was too busy to come up with a solution for this problem then, but I am going to start planning now for the next time I want to do something. I think I will wait for my 35th, though, and focus these next four years on protecting myself and others from spreading COVID and paying off my debts. In April I also started viewing apartments, as I had been informed in March that I needed to move by June. Boy was it tough to organize apartment viewings around the shooting schedule. It also made me realize that living alone in Toronto is impossible- for real, there is no way to do it and only pay 30% of your income. Thanks to Paris Paris though, I was making about 7K monthly, which looked great on all of my applications. I decided that I wasn’t going to live in a basement anymore, even if it forced me to take on more debt. But in April I was feeling so discouraged by the impossibility of it all. How was I supposed to live in this city? Genuinely, how does anyone make it! The truth is we just don’t! We suffer one way or another, so I just chose debt instead of mental or physical sacrifice. Oh and of course, April is tax month too. Lost of delightful financial stress! At least I was on set much of the day getting to watch some truly amazing things take place.

April Numbers

Daily Goals: 5 done, 14 almost done, 11 not done

Water: 8 over, 9 good, 12 under, 1 none

Predominant mood: Exhaustion

Auditions: 0

Puzzles: 0

Movies: Super Mario Brothers

Reading: 0

May- This month started with a conclusion- we were wrapping up season 2 of Paris Paris! Being on a show as great as this, with a team as great as this, the ending is super bittersweet. But a combination of great days of filming and working in the sun and heat of spring in an apple orchard really filled us with joy. And there were popsicles! I maybe was also influenced by meeting a certain someone for the first time…on Saturday, May 6th, we had our first date and I liked him right away. I won’t gush about him too much here, but he knows. I was also going through something very hard with my family, which is all I will say about it, but it did really colour this month for me. I also found an apartment, a super stressful experience, and I had to spend my time on set sending e-transfers of 4 months of rent, which was basically all of my savings… it was so awful to be honest! But this was the only apartment that accepted me as a tenant. And yes, what my landlord asked for is not legal to enforce, but what I learned this year is that the rental market is also now a bidding war. One place even encouraged me to offer more in rent per month in order to secure my place against another applicant! It was so disheartening and I hated the whole process and I frankly never want to move again. The week after Paris Paris wrapped I went back to volunteering at AVA and working with Pharmachieve for a bit- but I also got really into Tears of the Kingdom, which came out on May 12th. And at the end of the month my brother came to help me move, and Hudson helped me load furniture I bought from the Paris Paris set to the garage in my old place prior to the moving van arriving.

May numbers:

Daily Goals: 1 done, 14 almost done, 14 not done, 2 missed (This was the worst month for daily goals)

Water: 5 over, 14 good, 6 under, 4 none, 2 missed (This was the worst month for hydration)

Predominant mood: Exhaustion

Auditions: 2, one of them required me to rent a studio for the dance segment!

Puzzles: 1 (Tigers)

Movies: 4 (CODA, Waiting for Guffman, Roshomon, Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret) (The movies will increase a lot for the rest of the year thanks to dating Hudson)

Reading: 0

June- This month began with moving, which was a crazy day. I was really glad that my brother was there to help me. We cleaned my old place and drove tons of things to my new place and figured out my new parking garage. It was a lot, and it was really hard even with paying for movers (I had really no other option). Moving to this apartment was definitely the largest reason I went into debt this year- paying 4 months’ worth of rent in one go was a little under 10K and drained all of my savings. Then the expense of moving- paying movers about $700, and the expense of having to furnish my apartment (I did not own much) and having to buy like… all the kitchen utensils I was borrowing from my landlord... it really added up. Then, the day after moving, I drove myself and my brother to the Montreal area, where he lives. My parents were supposed to fly in then as well, but they unfortunately had a flight cancellation and ended up being awake all night long in order to get to Montreal so we could have a visit with baby Peter. The visit was very intense but very needed and I drove home a few days later by myself, and just really appreciated that I could go home and enjoy my new apartment after the incredible stress of moving. Once I got back I couldn’t find my highlighters for a week thanks to the move, so I missed a lot of my usual daily tracking! I got to see some of my friends from Makinium and spend more time with Hudson, who I was getting incredibly serious about. On June 15th I went to see a show called Access Me, which I was grateful to be able to participate in! I have not had the opportunity to see much theatre this year thanks to a lack of funds, so every show just felt nice to be in the room. I also got to resume fostering with a special boy named Badu! He was so sweet and nice and was adoption ready when he came to me, which isn’t typical for my fosters! I started trying to find work as soon as I could because I knew I was very limited in funds and I had about 20K that I had borrowed for my car that I needed to pay back. At this time though, the strikes in the US had begun and there was no work from American producers in Canada, so everyone was competing to do Canadian content, which meant that there was very little work for my inexperienced, non-union self. At the end of the month we had the mayoral election, which took a fair amount of my focus though not as much as in recent years. Then at the very end of the month, because AVA PetSmart locations would be closed for the long weekends over the summer, I picked up Lewis and Toby, not knowing if I would have them for a weekend or for several months. But having more very affectionate cats around seemed like a great thing for my absolutely aching soul after the stress of everything. Hudson helped a lot too… but he is, unfortunately, allergic to cats.

June numbers:

Daily Goals: 16 done, 3 almost done, 1 not done, 10 missing

Water: 2 over, 6 good, 12 under, 10 missed

Predominant mood: Overthinking/Connected

Auditions: 2

Puzzles: 0

Movies: 1 (Bones of Crows)

Reading: Save the Date

July- At the beginning of the month I got to hang out with my cousin Tessa when she was passing through and I really appreciated having more connections at this time. I interviewed for a job that I did eventually get! I was also working on the program for The Art of War which wasn’t performing until November. I am on retainer with Hardly Art Theatre, which I am so grateful for, because they pay me through the whole year even when there’s not work and I get to make my own hours. It also became evident that I was keeping Toby and Lewis, because Lewis needed more eye treatment and surgery- he had a condition where his eyelashes grew into his eyelids instead of away from them, which had caused a lot of damage after years without treatment when he lived outside. July was also Fringe time and I went to two shows and it felt so nice to run into friends on the fringe grounds! But I was much more focused on looking for work, and I did eventually find work in a call centre working from home as part of their French support line. I was working 8 pm to 2 am and for the entire three weeks I was on this contract I did not receive a single call, and I ended up quitting in August because I had started another job and as much as I needed the money, if I wasn’t doing anything at my computer all night I would prefer to sleep. I attended an AVA picnic and got to meet lots of the people I frequently text with about cats! Then I started prep work for The Drowning Girls, which I was Stage Managing in August! I was so excited and nervous but mostly happy to have work at a time where many of my colleagues were suffering. Our first day of rehearsal was the last day of July and I was super overwhelmed but thrilled to be working outside with a bunch of people I had no previous connections to. I also got to see my bestie Alyssa briefly and drive her from the airport to my house then to the train station! A really big deal though was I got to meet Hudson’s son Cosmo. Cosmo is a wonderful five-year-old and I never knew I would love him as much as I do now. I still don’t want any biological children, but I find myself missing both Cosmo and Hudson after being away from them for even just a few days.

July numbers:

Daily Goals: 25 done, 6 almost done (best month for daily goals)

Water: 5 over, 9 good, 16 under, 1 none

Predominant mood: Joy

Auditions: 4 and 1 callback

Puzzles: 1 (Zodiac)

Movies: 2 (Christmas on the Rocks, Police Story)

Reading: Acting for the Camera

August- I began the month getting fully absorbed into the world of The Drowning Girls! For the first week of rehearsals, I was still working in the call centre at night, but one week of two jobs was quite enough! This job really taught me that I like having purpose and working towards something. We went to see the show that was currently running at the theatre as well, Three Men and a Boat, which was a delight! At the end of the second week of rehearsal, I missed a day of rehearsal to fly to Calgary and drive to the Lake Louise area to unite with my family to celebrate my cousin Tyler marrying his long time partner Taylor! It was a beautiful wedding and I am so glad we were all there together. I danced with Peter and he met the whole extended family, and I felt much more connected to him on this visit as he was further from being a newborn and more engaged with the world in general! He was so sweet and happy except when he was in the car. It was not a long trip, as I had to get back to The Drowning Girls! We teched some of the most complex stuff I will probably ever have to deal with (showers outside that turn on and off from backstage where I am not stationed with a huge sound design and actors who get soaking wet and don’t leave the stage for 90ish minutes OUTSIDE) and then we opened! Our opening night show was the coldest weather we had to deal with the whole run and we were all prepared to stop the show- but we didn’t have to. The show was really well received and I am so so proud of the work we all did in this production. It was a magical experience that I will be grateful for for years to come and I know that I made lasting friendships there. I was not able to complete the run, however- I had found an elusive TV job that had a few days of conflict and the theatre was so flexible and kind to me in letting me train my assistant SM Charlotte to run the show in my absence for the final two performances. This kind of flexibility is not common in the theatre and I am so so grateful that I got to have it all in August! I ended the month with this TV shoot, which was really interesting because I was working on reshoots for the first time on something that I had never seen before. I also got to work with some great friends and make new ones! I was also clearly struggling with exhaustion, as one day I was late thanks to driving to the wrong place (it was the correct address, there just are two of that address in Toronto!) and then later that afternoon I locked my car keys in the trunk and had to wait 2 hoursish to get it unlocked. Big sigh. That was a tough day. But the shoot was only a few days and I knew I just had to make it a little while longer and then I could have a wee break and spend more time with Hudson. In August I was also inspired (possessed?) to start a cleaning tracker, so add it to the list!

August numbers:

Cleaning (Daily): 9 done, 3 nearly done, 6 did at least one, 10 not done, 3 away

Cleaning (Weekly): 3 did at least one, 2 not done

Cleaning (Monthly): did at least one

Daily Goals: 14 done, 12 almost done, 5 not done

Water: 5 over, 18 good, 8 under

Predominant mood: Overwhelm

Auditions: 2

Puzzles: 1 (Mountain Lake)

Movies: 0

Reading: First, We Make the Beast Beautiful

September- As September began I went back to do more sessions with Pharmachieve and had one more day on Ainsi Va Manu, and then I had a weekend shoot for a short film that was a lot of fun to make! Excitingly, the film is being adapted to feature length and I will be working on it for the entire month of February! September was also TIFF time, which led to a lot of interesting discussions in my circles, as actors were not able to appear on certain red carpets or for interviews because they were on strike. I saw two wonderful films and was incredibly jealous of everyone walking around with their purple lanyards! I was also back with AVA and driving Lewis to vet appointments and surgeries. His eyes really improved a lot this month and it was so great to see him more comfortable. Badu was adopted as well, which is always encouraging to be a part of. Towards the end of the month, I got the flu, which was quite bad for two days but then just left me with a snotty nose for a week or so. It was a real shame too, because I was starting work on my first feature film! The money was not what I am usually paid, but the project was very cool, and it was more than $0. It did mean a lot of overnights though, and my schedule and routines (few though they are) got really messed up.

September numbers:

Cleaning (Daily): 10 done, 6 nearly done, 9 did at least one, 2 not done, 3 missed

Cleaning (Weekly): 1 nearly done, 3 missed

Cleaning (Monthly): nearly done

Daily Goals: 16 done, 7 almost done, 5 not done, 2 missed

Water: 5 over, 13 good, 9 under, 2 missed

Predominant mood: Exhaustion

Auditions: 1

Puzzles: 1 (Dots)

Movies: 6 (Serial Mom, Local Hero, A Road to a Village, God is a Woman, Mother’s Boys, A Sobering Story)

Reading: Neither Victims nor Executioners, Stage Management: A Gentle Art

October- I did most of my work on the feature film in the first week of October, and I got really off-track for a while there. I am naturally a night owl, so was find with being at work all night. It was the drives home in the morning that were awful, and I definitely was very sleepy at the wheel in morning traffic sometimes, and would employ many tactics to stay awake. Then once that filming had wrapped, I had to prepare for my family to come for Thanksgiving! My parents and my brothers’ family stayed in the building across the street from me and we had our big dinner in my little apartment with Hudson and Cosmo as well. It was a tight squeeze but oh so wonderful to spend time with Cosmo and Peter and my two cats all running wild through my two rooms. Well, Peter didn’t move much yet, but Cosmo moved enough for both of them. Once Thanksgiving was over, I tried to relax a little, but the financial pressure was really hard to get through. My rent was eating up everything I was earning and the only other thing I was buying was food, and that too was increasingly expensive. I had a few shifts left with Pharmachieve for the year and also signed on with a few background acting agencies in the hopes of getting on set some way, somehow. I did more AVA shifts and Lewis and Toby were adopted! I started working with a new agency called Don’t Furry, Be Happy, and it was very different to what I was used to. One of my fosters from them, Khokha, was adopted three days after arriving at my house. The other, Kramer, was with me until the end of December. I won’t tell the whole story here, but I will not be working as a foster with this organization again. Action Volunteers for Animals is truly wonderful and does so much for both people and cats and if you have any cat needs at all please do not hesitate to reach out to me or to them! I was also marketing for The Art of War in Saskatoon, which I hope went very well, and I was sad to miss. It was hard for me to work on marketing it after the events of October 7th brought the genocide of Palestinians to the forefront of my attention. I ended up struggling so badly with all of the images I saw of children being murdered that I went into urgent talk therapy. I will save my full thoughts for another time and place, but I experienced a real shift in how I view politicians and countries this month. I have never decided not to vote- I used to scream about its importance- but I won’t anymore. Is there a candidate who will represent me and my interests? I have learned that no such candidate exists in my country. They are all too wealthy to be connected to the struggle of most of the people they serve. In my desperation for work I was applying to anything I could find online but alas received nearly no responses- this has been another bane of my existence in 2023. Applying for jobs now SUCKS. I want to work, but if I don’t express adoration for The Company then they don’t want my attention. I am great at customer service and can do basic office work super well and yet if I don’t express a desire to have a full career as a receptionist, they don’t want me. Or they claim I am overqualified so can’t possibly take this job. I just need WORK! I need income! I have, multiple times, come to the conclusion that I cannot do more after hours of spiraling about how I am going to survive. I never want to hear that people don’t want to work ever again. All the ridiculous gatekeeping made my emotional state even worse. At least I got to watch my favourite YouTubers, Stephen and Mal Georg, play video games for charity on October 28th. I started attending rallies in support of Palestine and didn’t do much for Halloween, as it’s really not my thing.

October numbers

Cleaning (Daily): 13 done, 5 nearly done, 4 did at least one, 9 missed

Cleaning (Weekly): 1 missed, 3 done

Cleaning (Monthly): nearly done

Daily Goals: 9 done, 12 almost done, 1 not done, 9 missed

Water: 2 over, 9 good, 10 under, 9 missed

Predominant mood: Exhaustion

Auditions: 6

Puzzles: 1 (Dots)

Movies: 6 (Beau Travail, The Devil’s Backbone, The Exorcist, Society, Wet Hot American Summer, Xanadu)

Reading: 0

November-AVA support, therapy, and protesting continued in November. My auditions also got a huge uptick as student films started casting for their spring projects, and I ended up booking a professional gig! A new legal proceeding began for the project that owes me several thousand dollars in wages- we are hopeful we will see some money in 2024, but seeing as we were supposed to be paid in 2021, it’s hard to think anything will happen at all. I got a job with Reelworld where I facilitate workshops for youth across Canada to discuss careers in the film industry and started doing them right away! I have half of my contract left in 2024 and I am so excited for it. I spent a day shooting a short film for YouTube and getting paid, and it premiered a week later, which is wild! I got another job working at the call centre again for a different contract, this time during the day. I was supposed to be the bilingual contact, but I ended up doing almost every call in English. I got amazing feedback from my supervisor, but after just two weeks they determined that I was no longer needed thanks to low call volumes. I was really hit hard to learn that a job I had got, that was supposed to be for 3-5 weeks, was only going to be 2. Another financial blow in an endless series. At the very end of the month, thanks to the short film I shot, I was able to sign with my first agent!

November numbers

Cleaning (Daily): 9 done, 9 nearly done, 9 did at least one, 3 not done, 1 missed

Cleaning (Weekly): 2 not done, 1 did at least one, 1 nearly done, 1 done

Cleaning (Monthly): Done

Daily Goals: 8 done, 18 almost done, 4 not done

Water: 4 over, 15 good, 11 under

Predominant mood: Joy

Auditions: 9

Puzzles: 0

Movies: 4 (All About Steve, SLC Punk!, Sid + Nancy, Burn After Reading)

Reading: 0

December- This month I met Hudson’s family for the first time, which seems wild as it feels like it was a lot longer ago! I continued my work with Reelworld and AVA and started planning for Christmas with no money. Now that there are children in my life, it feels a lot more difficult to not buy gifts! I got several auditions through my agent and attended the avant-premiere of Paris Paris S2, which made me feel way more professionally accomplished! I had a friend come stay with me for a few days and it was so nice to be reminded of the good friendships I have in my life! I was able to celebrate Christmas with Hudson’s family a few times over, from a fancy Christmas Eve event with dozens of people to present opening with his son. The holidays are truly more magical through their eyes! Kramer was adopted and the next day I took in new cat friends Simba and Roslyn. I got to see Alice in Wonderland at Soulpepper with Hudson’s family as well, and it did once again feel wonderful to be in a theatre! For New Years’ Eve I was invited to a Friendsmas gathering at Hudson’s house and I ended up playing with Cosmo for hours and hours! It was a wonderful way to ring in the new year.

December numbers

Cleaning (Daily): 14 done, 7 nearly done, 7 did at least one, 2 none

Cleaning (Weekly): 1 done, 2 did at least one, 1 nearly done

Cleaning (Monthly): did at least one

Daily Goals: 16 done, 12 almost done, 3 not done

Water: 4 over, 12 good, 14 under, 1 none

Predominant mood: Joy

Auditions: 6

Puzzles: 1 (Mountainside)

Movies: 6 (The Holiday Swap, Bicycle Thieves, Krampus, Vertigo, La Regle du Jeu, Les 400 Coups)

Reading: Anna Karenina

Conclusion

While this year was rife with financial struggle and a lack of work, I have overall been happier than I have been possibly ever. This is thanks in large part to my partnership with Hudson, who has made this year so much fun. As we went to sleep early in the morning on January 1st, we laughed so hard we could barely breathe, and I thought “what a perfect way to start the year”. I have also been surprised and delighted to build a relationship with his son Cosmo, as I did not realize I could love someone else’s child as much as I do. I am also grateful to have reconnected with my immediate family in new ways as my brother became a father, which made my parents grandparents, and I became an auntie! Someday I hope to be a place of security for Peter where I am the cool aunt who talks about his feelings and dreams, but for now I am settling into the role of silly auntie, playing games and being ridiculous just to hear him giggle. I did also hit some big professional milestones like taking an acting for camera class, getting an agent, playing a lead in a short film, and seeing my work on big theatrical screens! I also Stage Managed a very large and elaborate production and feel proud of that work. Finally, the largest difference I am observing in myself is that my therapy has led me to a better place. My medication seems to be working exactly as needed. I do struggle with my disability, but I also know a lot more about it and how to navigate life with it, and that has made such a large difference.

Looking at the goals I wrote down at the start of 2023, I am amazed to see that I have achieved all of them: new headshots, agent, a car or a new apartment (I got both!). Looking through my planner I also see that I have used the “good things that happened” section a lot more that I remember doing in 2022! I wasn’t able to set more goals in the middle of the year as life was so so uncertain, but I do feel good about the goals I set in my home life! I am also in better physical shape; I went from about 30 seconds of running at a time to about 5 minutes! I feel a lot more settled in myself and I think my thirties will be an incredible era of my life. I am entering 2024 full of love, joy, and hope, even though I am completely broke.

I have a section of my planner called “connections” where I write the names of all the people I connect with throughout the year, but in 2023 I fell off tracking it in about April, so I am rethinking how I will make that page for 2024. I am happy with tracking the cleaning of my apartment, as it has been very helpful, but I do want to give myself room to do more things “as needed” as opposed to “must be done every single week”, you know? I live alone and am not super messy! I also relied on meal kits a lot this year and want to get away from reliance on them so much- it is a great tool but I want to start applying the cooking principles the kits have taught me!

I keep track of theatre venues in Toronto that I visit, and this year I visited five that were new to me since moving here!

In total I had 49 auditions and got 4 callbacks. I did not book any callbacks, but booked 3 outright, though only one was for a traditional acting job. I also worked background on 2 projects. I reached out to 13 agents, was told by 2 that they were not accepting new clients, and booked 1.

July was my best month for daily goals, March and August were the most hydrated months, and December was my happiest month.

I have a list of the best musicals of all time (based on a silly internet list) and I downloaded and listened to 33 new ones. This was made easier because of driving to Hamilton for work and to visit Hudson, which is a 45-90 minute drive depending on traffic. My favourite new listens were Parade, Beetlejuice, Man of La Mancha, Anastasia, Gypsy, Ragtime, Six, and Hadestown.

From my list of every best picture winner, I watched 6 new movies. From my list of 100 best movies of all time (again, silly internet list) I watched 7 new movies. In total I watched 39 movies, and my favourites were The Duke, Parasite, Bones of Crows, Serial Mom, Local Hero, The Devil’s Backbone, The Exorcist, SLC Punk!, Sid + Nancy, and La Regle du Jeu. Shout out to terrible movies that will haunt me forever, Mother’s Boys (the boom was in the shot 4 times in this movie- assuming they changed the aspect ratio for DVD), Xanadu, All About Steve (“wanna know why I wear these boots? Because they make my toes feel like ten best friends on a camping trip”) and CODA (I know exactly why it won best picture but boy was it the most highly produced Disney Channel film ever made! I got viscerally angry when the music teacher entered the room!)

I read 12 books this year, and all from a huge range of perspectives and themes. My favourite was Anna Karenina, but I may be biased because I just finished it, however I was talking about it with anyone who would listen as I read it. Truly a wonderful book. I was also deeply affected by Men Who Hate Women (I recommend this book to ALL PEOPLE but especially parents or teachers of boys), and First, We Make the Beast Beautiful (which I recommend to anyone who struggles with anxiety). I have 13 books on my wishlist and 2 series I would like to collect someday, however, I inherited a huge number of books that I have yet to read, so I do not think I bought any books this year, and I probably won’t next year.

I watched only a few seasons of TV this year, as I now have a smart TV that only has the YouTube app, so I watch Stephen Georg’s YouTube Channels pretty well all the time. I did re-watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend this year, as well as continuing to watch Taskmaster. I finished Dead to Me, but I don’t remember much of season 3 I don’t think. I remember essentially nothing of The Crown Season 5 and will not be watching newer seasons- I loved the show when it started but I think as it caught up to modern times I could see it’s biases a lot more and my feelings on colonialism have changed! Hudson and I are working our way through That Mitchell and Webb Look, and I am watching Makinium to see my work on my TV!

I played an unreal amount of video games this year if you count by hours and not individual games, entirely because I played Tears of the Kingdom for 300ish hours. I am 13 electric lizalfos tails away from 100%ing the game, so this was really the game of 2023 for me, even though I will be finishing it in 2024. I finished Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle and got 100%, but I am not sure if I liked it enough to play another one of their series- though it did teach me a lot about games that are turn-based like that. I 100%ed Super Mario Sunshine, which I mostly REALLY liked, there were just a couple of levels that made me so angry I had to stop playing for a while. I also played Octodad, which would have been more fun with others, I think. I played Cake Mania and Cake Mania 3, and I really wish my copy of Cake Mania 2 worked. I might buy a copy for the 3DS because I need to understand how this girl went from saving her family’s bakery to using a time bender the day of her wedding. I started Super Mario Galaxy but playing it handheld felt so wrong that I had to stop, and I will play it once I have a real switch. I also 100%ed Pikmin 4 and have since lent it to Hudson and Cosmo and I LOVED it. It was so much fun, and a good amount of challenge and I recommend it to all! I bought 3 of the games on my gaming wish list but there are 11 remaining! I also own about 5 games that I haven’t had time to play at all, so I doubt I will be buying any in 2024. Next up is We Heart Katamari!

I watched 12 Lets Plays this year from StephenPlays and MasaeAnela, and I watched more livestreams of games than I have before from Heff, Jon McLaren, and Arlo. I tend to only watch Lets Plays of games I have already played or that I have no interest in or ability to play, so I am not really getting exposed to too many new games, but I did learn about Sea of Stars this year and that game was super compelling from what I watched!

I fostered seven cats this year, all of whom have been adopted and are doing very well! I got two more cats at the very end of the year but I will count them as 2024 kitties!

Things I learned in 2023: how to use contour for makeup, several cleaning hacks and routines, some facewashing and skincare things, how to do French braids on myself, how to wrap my hair around a silk wrap for no-heat curling, how to better use Adobe PDF, that I can get SO many good things from Dollarama, how to use press on nails, writing the elongated journaling cursive that everyone uses, and improving how I write “I” in cursive.

Things I hope to learn in 2024: how to make up my eyebrows, some cool drawing techniques for my journaling, how to use ScriptE, what skincare routine my face needs, and how to care for my nails better.

I will have other goals, but this reflection is already SO long. I found this a great exercise to write, and if you decided to read it, I sincerely thank you!

Much love and light for 2024!